Unplanned, short and sweet.

The secret sauce to good mental health? There isn't one, at least not that I have discovered. It feels more like a journey of making conscious choices to better yourself, do what feels right for yourself - a lifelong one for myself. One that you’ll battle back and forth like I did this week. Doubts and insecurities will creep in sometimes and that is all just a part of it. I did not have a blog post planned for today, no concrete idea about what I was going to write about. So today it is going to be short and sweet. We celebrated my little guy's fourth birthday this week and I went through every drawer in my house and gathered quite the pile of clothes and things to donate. I needed a good list of what the kids needed because they have grown out of it. They grow faster and faster every year I swear! For some reason this time of year is when I like to do my yearly purge, rather than in the spring. Getting into a school routine with the kids has been so good but also a bit of a struggle. My daughter is adjusting to going to school every day, and my son is adjusting to going at all. Every day though he seems happier and happier about his day at pre-k so I am confident in my decision to send him. They both are just little still, but yet appearing so big at the same time you know? 

When it comes to my free time I am still finding it a bit tough to get into a routine in the afternoons when both kids are at school. But I know I will get there. My brain is so full of thoughts and ideas it is just a matter of getting them down. I know that much of what I talk about and my story can be tough for others to read or hear and my biggest struggle is staying true to myself while also worrying about that. I have realized this week though that I can’t take that on anymore. It isn’t my job to make anyone understand anything. I have tried very hard to be a guiding light on this journey and I do believe it has been helpful. I stand solid with my story and the things that I know I have been through. It is not my responsibility to convince anyone that it is valid. I made an attempt this week to reach out to someone that matters a whole lot to me, only to have it invalidated and treated like I’m a fool for feeling the way I feel. I think I absolutely expected too much of that situation, and maybe didn’t think it all the way through - and that is on me. 

I am proud of the person I am today, despite mistakes I have made and the challenges and pain I have faced. I am finally feeling free to not be understood. Whether it be completely or partially - it’s okay. I am okay. I can accept and respect that and still stand firm in what I know my truth is. Sometimes you have to be able to let go of the idea that everyone has to “get it”. So that is what I am doing. I don’t have a whole lot more to say today. And that’s okay! I have big plans moving forward, and lots of great posts coming your way! 

I am going to leave you with this text I came across on Facebook. I unfortunately don’t know the author but it rang so true to me. I wish you all the most amazing week ahead, feeling valid and secure. Because you deserve that. 

——

It took me too long to understand that no matter how much I explain my side, some people will twist it to fit their narrative. I used to pour my heart out, desperately hoping they’d see the truth, but I’ve learned the hard way—if someone truly wanted to understand, they wouldn’t make me beg for it.

If you’ve already decided I’m the villain in your story, fine. I’m not going to keep bending over backwards trying to prove I’m good enough, worthy enough, or innocent enough. The truth is, the more I explain, the more power I give to someone who doesn’t want to hear it.

Let them believe what they want.

Let them say it was all my fault.

Let them stay stuck in their version of events.

LET. THEM.

I won’t defend myself anymore. Because I’ve realized something crucial—explaining myself over and over doesn’t bring peace. It only exhausts me. It only reinforces their narrative, because if they really cared to understand, they would’ve listened the first time.

I’m reclaiming my energy. I’m walking away from the endless loop of justification and debate. I deserve connections where I don’t have to fight for my truth to be seen.

- author unknown